i’m going to get a middle finger shaved into the back of my head so i can flip everyone off constantly
mowwwg: “you can’t wear that!!!! people will get the wrong impression!!!” the impression that i am a hot babe with an ass that just won’t quit???? honey that ain’t wrong that’s just fact
as soon as i hear an australian accent on a tutorial video just nope
balkhy: roughrimjob: balkhy: *takes nudes with a yugioh card covering my junk* It only takes one Yugioh card to cover your junk hahaha
i’m surprised there’s still a doctor who fandom after that season tbh
pros of having short hair: no hair no maintenance less shampoo will probably be bothered to start dyeing it again look rad as fuck pros of not short hair: warm
gothlolita: im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names
foodtrucker: I simultaneously want to sleep in bed forever and do everything in the world
Stop telling women that we should find ourselves beautiful and that we should...– Elyse Mofo, “Don’t Tell Me to Love My Body” (via skeletales)
michaelpalin: one thing my grandma always says is “elvis ruined our entire generation” the first time she said it i asked how and she said “because he raised our standards too much none of the boys we mixed with were even close to being as good looking as him and we didnt want to date them because they werent elvis”
personal philosophy on all aspects of life: needs more cheese
thepensivebrony: “you shouldn’t be depressed, people have it worse than you” finally, after years of searching, the person with the worst life ever is found. formally, they are granted permission to be sad. but only them. only they have earned it. no sads for anyone else at all ever
girl from uni: we haven't catched up!
doglets: sext: sorry just got this text haha. do u still have a boner?
sallyfuckingdonovan: who let moffat write female characters take them away from him
COSMO SEX TIP #8329
arekelly: Instead of moaning during climax say “Flash 9 required for audio”.
white dad in any movie: but son, you're throwing away your DREAM
white son in any movie: no dad, I'm throwing away ~yours~
i’ve been wearing my jumper backwards all day what a dag
I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for...– Jonathan Carroll (via skeletales)
partybarackisinthehousetonight: pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood
kamukuraizuru: Tag ur great gatsby spoilers it’s only been out for niNETY YEARS